god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
