you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
