i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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