yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize