I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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