I have demons in me.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
