Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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