I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
