the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
