I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize