Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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