I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
