Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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