No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
