so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
