sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
