Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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