How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
