I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
