Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
