Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
