I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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