and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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