all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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