No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize