She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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