Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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