i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
