Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
