sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
