Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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