Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
