Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
