we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
