My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
