So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize