What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
