yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
