dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
