walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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