if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
