I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We got so high we made milksteak
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
