Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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