Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
