Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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