i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
