I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
