A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize