Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
