I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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