this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You took a bar mat shot.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
