I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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