I hate your face
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
