I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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