I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I AM VODKA MAN
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize