The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
