Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize