dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
