i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
