this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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