we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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