And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
