oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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