Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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