His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
