he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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