I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize