No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
