Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he told me I talked like a deaf person
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
