Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
