In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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