bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
