I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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